It's strange how up and down this experience has been. These ups and downs aren’t even day by day, they’re hour by hour. I’ll give you a play by play of my day. This morning, I was nervous and excited to do some threshold intervals. I didn't have class until 2, so I got to sleep in until 9 and then do my workout. Immediately after I started, my nerves went away and I felt the euphoric happiness that comes hand in hand with exercise. The running felt great. I felt, strong, fit and ready to destroy the mountain behind my house. As always, doing intervals was a major mental game. The last couple minutes of each interval was super painful and my body told me to quit, but after I pushed past "the pain cave" I got an immense feeling of pride from finishing what I set out to do. After taking a year off from skiing, I forgot the pain, pleasure, and pride that comes with a simple interval workout.
After getting ready for my day and heading off to do errands and grab lunch in Grenoble before class, I decided to reflect in my journal on the tram. I love writing because it helps me sort out how I am feeling. It gets me through the biggest moments in life as well as any others I need it to. From my entry today, I realized how much I am finding out about myself here in France. This semester is like a bubble far, far away from anywhere I'll ever be again. I can join a team here, I can be lazy and stay in my room and watch tv, I can hike every day, I can party, I can do whatever I want. This experience is all about me. Never in my life have I felt so liberated. I have no obligations to anyone. I am completely on my own. I am realizing that in my spare time, my favorite things to do are run, write, and keep in touch with the people I’m closest with through letters, skype, emails, or blogging. At school and at home I get roped into doing all sorts of things, but here I can take as much or as little initiative as I want. I can join the group and go to a café in town or just go home. I'm finding that I love to experience new things, but am also realizing that I need to spend more time on what I truly love to do. I need to make sure I fit that into my life. If I don’t, I lose sight of who I am and what it is I am interested in.
At this point in my day, I was still on my exercise high. Then I went to my first two classes – one on the history of France and the second on the history of the cinema in France. The first was at a nice slow pace that I could easily follow. I don’t know very much about history so I got really excited at the prospect of studying for this class. The second class, however, seemed a little intimidating. The professor seemed great but I’ve never been in a film class before, so it was challenging for me to critique what happened in the short clips we watched in English never mind in French! While in that class, I got really nervous for my language classes. I have 12 hours of French linguistic classes so I hope I like them. I hope they work on the skills I need to work on most (comprehension, pronunciation, and fluidity of language) rather than just drilling grammar that I already know. They could be torture or a fun challenge. Those I start tomorrow. I also got to thinking about how bummed I am because a lot of my friends do not have Friday classes, but I do. Thus my schedule is going to prevent me from taking part on Friday day trips. Shitty!
Then, life got back on a high when I had the most delicious Snickers ice cream cone from a little café with Molly and Elita. We hang out and chatted until I went back home for dinner. I got back home at the same time as my host mom, so I helped her with dinner. She’s so cute! I really love just hanging out and doing chores with her. She keeps herself very busy! Since Robert is gone for 3 weeks, I can tell she appreciates the company! Plus I think it’s making us closer. I really, really like her.
Then, after dinner, I was chatting with Macy on skype and saw her walking from the hallway to her bedroom so I said, “Bon Nuit!” She stood there for a moment and then came into my room and said, “Je fais un bisous” and gave me a kiss on the cheek. It was absolutely adorable. We are bonding so hardcore. It’s great.
Life gave me another low, however, after talking to my dad on skype. My parents are moving to southern Maine and I feel very happy for them but also selfishly sad. I know it’s the right decision for them and I wholeheartedly support it, but Fort Kent has always been my home. It’s strange to think of a stranger living in my room. Or not having a place to stay if I ever want to visit. Or not having the ability to visit as often with all my aunts and uncles and cousins or my friends from high school. This decision feels like it is cutting off a part of my life, getting rid of my past, and is an official sign that it’s time to move on beyond the valley. Now it’s time to make the changes in the world I’ve always dreamed of making. I still have a heavy heart about all these big changes but deep down I know it’s for the best.
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